I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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