he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
