He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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