M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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