Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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