it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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