Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
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