How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you traded sex for a burrito?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
