Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
