Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
