Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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