we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
