One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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