It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
