I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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