i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
