my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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