My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
