Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
