You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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