sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
