I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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