____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize