just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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