ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
