We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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