idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
