just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
