It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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