And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
