I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
