Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
