Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
