is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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