Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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