My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
