Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
