I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
