if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
