do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
