They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
All I want is dick and wine.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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