Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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