I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
