...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
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yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
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My boob is missing a layer of skin
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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