I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
