A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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