I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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