Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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