insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
