i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
