but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
