fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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