I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
