I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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