a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
