Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize