is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have aggressive nipples.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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